“Pick Me, Please? The Surprising Benefits of Being a “Pick Me” Girl”

Trey Hamilton
9 min readJan 18, 2023

Whenever I see a video, an article, or a book where it’s intention is to help men or give women dating advice on how to date men. I always see these comments:

“What a “Pick Me.” My eyes roll back, and I’m reminded that when push comes to shove, most people will utter a sentence only using the lowest comment denominator or rationale.

Welcome to the world of dating, where the term “Pick Me” girl is thrown around like it’s going out of style, much like these words, “Gaslighting,” “trauma,” and “boundaries.”


What exactly is a “Pick Me” girl, you might ask? Apparently, it’s your average girl who’s desperate for a man’s attention and validation, willing to change who she is to fit his every whim and desire. But let’s be real, who wants to be average?

But I’m going to get into “Pick Me” behavior and why it’s not as bad as you may think. Why it’s used as shaming tacting from so-called “empowered” women to be little other women? Now, before you roll your eyes and click away, hear me out. Yes, “Pick Me” behavior can often be associated with negative connotations such as desperation and low self-esteem. But what if I told you there’s a different perspective? One where “Pick Me” behavior can actually be empowering and a means of taking control of your own happiness and fulfillment in a relationship.

So, put down your pitchforks, cool your jets, and be prepared to be lightly triggered and join me as we explore the often misunderstood world of “Pick Me” behavior. Trust me, by the end of this post, you may just see things in a whole new light.

WTF is a “Pick me” girl

A “Pick me” girl is a woman who apparently constantly seeks validation and attention from men. She’s the one who goes out of her way to please, to flatter, to do whatever it takes to be chosen. She’s the one who puts herself last and the guy first, always bending over backward to make him happy.



Trey Hamilton

Author - The First Date Fix - Dating Coach - Content Creator -Dog Dad | follow me for some ramblings of a millennial who has dated. A LOT! TheFirstDateFix.Com