Why do people Break Up!?
Why can’t people make it work these days…
You wankers who can’t keep it in their pants know the story. To some, cheating is the ultimate form of betrayal and hurt. If you really wanted to cheat, just break up with the person!
Alas, they want it both ways—someone on the regular and someone on the side. Cheating leaves hearts broken, marriages over, long term relationships completely ruined. It renders them barely fixable. Cheating is difficult to rebuild from and difficult to overcome especially if it involves sex. When you’ve made a commitment to someone, the thought of someone else having an intimate experience with them is gut-wrenching. Their bodies coming together in a lustful unbridled trist that doesn’t involve you is truly something incredibly hard to get by. Most couples don’t. It’s not just physical cheating too. It could be emotional cheating. Maybe your boyfriend went to another woman for intimate advice on his life rather than you. Or your girlfriend fantasizes about a local hunk at work and flirts with him mercilessly.
Solution: Don’t fucking do it. The moment you decide to stay committed to one person, you must dispel any notion of sleeping with someone else. Anything close to that will lead you down a path you may not be able to recover from. What you repeatedly think of you may eventually do…
2. Bad habits
Things you picked up throughout your life are just that. Things you’ve picked up. It doesn’t mean it’s who you are. You could have smoked since high school, chewed with your mouth open, cursed all the time as a kid, never learned good manners, short temper, used to getting your way, have to have the last word, and be prideful. All these things you might have picked up and the person you’re with can’t handle it anymore. These are some of the many bad habits that will destroy your relationship.
Solution: Often in times where you exhibit destructive patterns of behavior with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Ask yourself this simple question. Is this truly who I am, or have I picked up this bad behavior. Can I change and be the person I know I am?
Failing to support someone you love renders you essentially useless.
If you can’t provide that, why are they with you? It’s not about listening to them and providing them a solution or trying to fix it. It’s about paying special attention to what they need in times of support. What makes them feel better? Unfortunately through trial and error is typically how you’ll learn. But you’ll get there!
If you consistently communicate passively or directly that you can’t support them or give them the time they need to feel supported. They’ll eventually leave. You’ll have them feeling unvalidated, unheard, and unloved.
Solution: Stop your passive habits of giving little to no support! Learn their habits, ask them what they need in times of support, and think about someone other than yourself!
The age-old classic. One of you has had a truly shitty day. But unfortunately, the other person is the dumping ground, and they are getting it ferociously taken out on them. Or maybe you’re just feeling shitty and get frustrated they don’t understand. An argument ensues.
Don’t do this. Learn the first time.
If this is a habit with you or them, eventually, the bow will break, and you’ll be left alone cause you can’t control your temper. Don’t misdirect your anger to the person you claim to love.
Anger is the worst when it comes to breakups. Eventually, one of you, if not both. Will come to regret the things you did and said in that brief but powerful moment of anger. A person’s biggest regret will never be what’s past. But instead, what it could have been.
Solution: Communicate your anger before it erupts. Don’t “Expect them to know’’ for example. “Sorry, sweetheart, that sounded snappy. I just had to write up a report assigned to me today, and I’m a little stressed. Can I get some kisses?”
5. Shitty Friends
The phrase misery loves company wasn’t made up out of thin air. Its principles ring very true for a reason. Some people who claim to be your friends are very quick to displace a new love interest of yours especially if they themselves are single.
If you fraternize with friends your partner doesn’t particularly like. Be wary, obviously, your friends have been there before your partner was. But often an outside eye from our own perspective can be very objective and give us observations we might not have seen. This isn’t always the case but no one in their right mind would speak badly of their partner’s friends unless they had good reason to do so. Yes sometimes the partner could just be a crazy control freak, but bad friends shouldn’t be ignored.
If you have friends that constantly speak negatively about your partner be very careful. There are millions of so-called “friends” who have butted heads in relationships with one myopic viewpoint. They’ve offered advice that has caused many a breakup. If they continually persist with the negativity. You might want to consider getting new friends. As life circumstances change and you grow older some friends have to go, the best friends stick around.
Take special note of each relationship and the consistency of your friends’ advice.
Either they’re not getting any or not getting enough. You gotta make sure you fix this. When you’re monogamous with someone you both have to be trying to fulfill one another’s sexual needs. After all, you’re the only people who can do that for each other. If not, then there’s no reason to be with them because someone else will provide what you won’t and vice versa. I don’t mean unrealistic demands. But if someone likes sex a lot, have sex a lot. If that’s something you don’t like, date someone who doesn’t like sex a lot. If someone used to have sex all the time and now they don’t, just communicate with them and express how you feel. Good or bad you’ll get an answer. Any kind of answer is better than ambiguity.
If the person you love keeps trying to initiate sex and you keep rejecting them, eventually they’ll be self-defeated to even keep trying. Or worse, they’ll be asking someone else for sex. Intimacy is so important and it’s often something that isn’t really communicated. With the relationship that’s meant for you, it shouldn’t be hard.
Not just sex though, kissing, cuddling, holding hands. Any kind of physical touch is critical. Often when people say they’re drifting apart this is one of the main reasons.
Solution: Give your partner the booty! If you can’t explain why you’ve been off and you haven’t been in the mood, tell them how much you’re attracted to them. SEX IS IMPORTANT.
Your partner hates you drinking on a weekday and coming home late when she’s gotta work tomorrow. So what do you do? Just that. You go out drinking, come home late, and lie about why and what you were doing. Thus the pattern of deception is created and never really fixed. Until one day it comes out that you’ve been doing this for months maybe even years! Boom! It’s over!
The more you lie, the worst it is. The more you think you can get away with it, the more wrong you are. It ALWAYS comes out.
Deciding to be honest with your partner will yield amazing results. If it’s meant to be they should never have an issue with your honesty don’t be afraid of being tactfully honest. It’s always about how you deliver the truth. Not the truth itself. If you realized this maybe you’d be more honest.
Trust me. I’ve been on both sides where I’ve lied to my girl’s face and I’ve been lied to. It’s not good!
Solution: Tell the truth. If you’ve been lying a lot, get into the habit of telling the truth. Lying is very, very wack.
8. Quitting on the relationship
Ah yes, giving up. A sentiment most Millenials such as myself buy into. Our subconscious mind insidiously tells us that it’s no longer worth it anymore cause the real person who I’m supposed to be with wouldn’t do this. Wrong. The real person you’re supposed to be with isn’t perfect. They would totally do that.
The couples that put in the real graft and work at every aspect of their relationship are the ones who stand victorious. They don’t have to post on social media every 5 minutes cause they know how much they have built together.
Babe Ruth once said, “You can’t stop someone who won’t quit”.
If you both have this mentality you could be very happy together. There are two people in a relationship, two. This means the way you argue might not be how they argue, the way they problem-solve might not be the same way, the way you process emotions could be completely different. There’s an abundance more of these innate differences between you. But one way or another they must be worked through! If you give up and quit on the other person you’ll never truly see it through. Learn to compromise and see the end from the beginning!
*Disclaimer: This does not apply to toxic relationships.
Solution: Consider arguments closely and look towards the issues being fixed and not running away from them.
9. Shit Communication
I was once in a relationship so toxic that whenever she and I got into a huge argument we would spend hours ignoring each other. Sometimes it would be days. DAYS!!! Sufficeth to say I got out of that ASAP.
The simple fact is this.
In a relationship, silence is never golden. The more you talk, the better you will feel. Communication is the single most important thing in a relationship, bar none. If you do not have good communication, you cannot have a good relationship, plain and simple. So sit down over a cup of coffee and use your words wisely. You’ll get a lot more out of it than you think.
Ultimately relationships can end for numerous reasons. But these are the best reasons I’ve researched so far.
It’s not too late to save your relationship before it all goes up in smoke. Be wary of the things that could slowly eat away until it’s completely broken. Remember this simple fact.
No amazing relationship in this world has never gotten to where it has without the deepest level of forgiveness…